I always was on the lookout for horses when I was traveling. It’s not as if I didn’t have friends or engage in activities, but I was a little nerdy and not at all athletic. I don’t think I had any more or less trouble with the “in” crowd than any other kid, and I know a few people looked up to me for my abilities in math, science, and the fact that I was always willing to help people. That was about two months after I lost my virginity, so I was about 22.
I saw farms that I’d have loved to go explore, but they were never near my home. Before the age of about 10 there was no more than some “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” Then it was pretty boring until high school. In all honesty, I’ve never liked kissing men; rough beards do not turn me on. And losing your virginity is important to becoming a “real” zoophile because you’re joining a very select group of people, and if you haven’t actually “done it,” people wonder if that’s your real sexuality. I’d wanted to have the sexual experience as well as the street credit among my peers — the zoophiles I’d met online — because they were my closest friends, really.
So, she turned around and she actually backed into me while I’m sitting down. I was about 38 at the time, and I was about 10 to 15 pounds too heavy for the bucket.
I slip my hands up a little further up and play with her genitals. Now, one of the things that’s a problem with horses is the height difference. So we have this plastic bucket upside down, and I’m standing on it and my drawers are dropped.
My friend was there at the time, and he was holding her head. I’d brushed her, cleaned her under her tail, and cleaned her face.
He didn’t have to do that — it’s not like we were doing things that she wasn’t enjoying — but he was there to protect me. I’d scooped snot out of her nose — we know each other very intimately.
I feel like my sexual development was bang on — I just had a different affection. And later I’d go to pre-internet online dial-up forums and that’s where I came across bestiality porn. As much as I later experimented with people, I was always sure I wanted horses.
All they did was go 'round and 'round; I could sense something about that in their attitude. It was a very interesting book — everything you ever wanted to know about horses.
At the time I didn’t really think of myself as different or unusual; it was just what I was interested in.
In 2002 the sex therapist Hani Miletski published Understanding Bestiality and Zoophilia, a book based on her study of almost 100 zoophiles — research that led her to conclude that many form deep, loving, and very nurturing relationships with their animal partners.
While it’s certainly not a homogeneous community, many “zoos” (as they are known to self-identify) are monogamous and live with their animals as if they were human partners.